August 30, 2010

Cooperation

Written by: Amy Maitland, Social Work Manager, MSW, GCDF

I have no complaints about my childhood. In fact, I feel very fortunate to have a family that has influenced me in powerful ways to become the woman I am today. I am an Alaska Native woman whose roots lie peacefully in the Aleut culture. A tremendously large and spirited extended family whose values and traditions left a deep imprint on my life raised me. They tenderly spoke kind words to encourage my development and even kinder but stern words followed to correct my many mistakes.

My home was a home that was not saturated in anger or conflict, it was a home that nurtured discussions, respected differences and spoke with cautious tongues. My family understood the power of words; therefore, I feel that I was mentored to speak very thoughtfully and select my words with care. One single word has the power to leave an imprint on a person for their entire life that will spark joy or ignite sadness. That is a lot of power.

I recall a warm summer day in July. The year was 1985 and it was full of laughter and carefree play. My regular casual routine was to wake up and get through the morning’s mundane tasks in order to ride my banana seat bike over to my friend’s house. As I peddled through the suburban neighborhood with the warm sun‘s rays pouring over my face, my mind eagerly raced with what fun activities would like ahead today for Molly and I. Molly was my “B.F.F.” and we bonded over making forts, baking our brownies in our easy bake oven and playing “light as a feather—stiff as a board”. Our friendship was two months of bliss and laughter until she told me she hated me. Woe is the intense and often short-lived joy of childhood friendships!

Needless to say, I was shocked and distraught. I was silenced by her words and quickly ran home to be cocooned by my mother’s arms. It is now funny to recall, but to this day, all I remember was jumping on her bed, having fun and the action that caused her sharp statement that stung my heart is wiped from my memory. But, the words, her words, still remain a poignant memory.

As I continue to grow and learn from situations in adulthood, I reflect on the opportunities in my life to practice the Native value of avoiding conflict. I have often been silenced and retreated from the experiences. But, I know words carry a lot of weight. They should be spoken with care and more so in times of disagreement or miscommunication. Over the years, I have come to the realization that conflict is unavoidable. However, you can turn conflict into an opportunity to learn and grow. The words spoken in tender situations should be chosen wisely and with care. With a kind heart and a soft tongue we can nurture the growth and raise the spirit of not only ourselves but also those around us.

This is my story of avoiding conflict and valuing cooperation with others by judicious communication as I experienced it in 1985 and throughout my life.