August 19, 2010

Resilience

Written by: Kristin English, VP/Chief Operating Officer

Any resilience that I have within me would be at least in part the result of an upbringing that was heavily laced with what I can only call the “proverbs of my parents.” There are things that I heard in the days of my youth that really didn’t resonate with me at the time. There are other sayings that don’t entirely make sense to this day. But, when I think of all the truths and truisms that my parents did their best to impart to my siblings and I, I can only be thankful to have had their steady guidance. In lieu of beautiful prose written in lyrical sentences, I provide instead a list of the phrases of my youth. I do not know the origin of all of these words, but I would like to think that at least some of them have been passed down through the generations. I’ve repeated these saying so many times, usually attributing them to my mom, that now my daughter and her cousins use a shorthand saying, “W.W.G.D” to indicate that they’ve gotten another dose of “what would grandma do” advice.

• Never loan money that you can’t afford to lose.
• Always put the needs of others before your own.
• The dishes aren’t done until the sink and counters are spotless.
• Words are like weapons. They have the power to wound.
• Sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you. (In direct contradiction to the saying above, but they both have their time and place.)
• A job worth doing is worth doing well.
• Enunciate your words.
• Cussing and swearing is the most ignorant form of communication. There is always a better way to express yourself.
• There is a right way and a wrong way to do everything.
• It’s better to give than to receive.
• You have to eat a ton of dirt before you die. (This is one that I still don’t really get, and as a somewhat analytical kid, I always wondered if death could be avoided by eating less than a ton of dirt. As this advice was usually doled out during picnics or other occasions that involved dropped food, it was probably just my mom’s funny way of getting us to quit complaining.)
• Family is everything. They will be the ones who will always be there for you.
• Choose your friends wisely and avoid bad influences.
• Always admit to your wrong doings. (According to my mom, we would always get caught anyhow.)
• There is good in everyone. If you look for it, you will find it.
• You should never hate anything or anyone (but perhaps the devil, which was my mom’s view.) Even dislike should be used sparingly.
• Never call anyone stupid.
• Don’t bite your nose to spite your face.
• Never tell anyone to shut up.
• There is no excuse for boredom. When one complains of boredom they should be thankful to be relieved of their burden by way of a chore.
• Never let your house get so messy that you would be embarrassed if someone stopped by.
• Don’t leave the house unless it is company clean.
• God gives us no burdens that we can not bear.
• Always take the high road.
• Never let yourself sink to the level of others who are treating you poorly. You will only feel small and make matters worse.
• When you feel your spirits failing, take a good long walk. All problems seem smaller after fresh air and exercise.
• Do your best at every job. To do less is like stealing.
• Listen to your conscience. It’s not there just to make you feel guilty but also to help you make the right choices.
• Give to others without expecting anything in return. Gifts that are given laden with expectations are not really gifts at all.

I don’t know how much this list has contributed to my resiliency, but I know that the advice that my parents have branded in my brain has helped me get through many tough times. As I reflect upon the list that I’ve just written, I am reminded of my own short comings and the pieces of advice that are hard for me to follow. But that’s OK, because as my mom always said, no one is perfect but God! I am also reminded of how lucky I was for not only receiving good parental advice, but I’m also fortunate to be part of a large family who, like my father always predicted, is always there for me regardless of my imperfections.